Posted by: MOIST | June 23, 2010

And your new Miss Nigeria is….

….Yakubu. Enjoy.

Posted by: MOIST | June 23, 2010

Is Cha Du-Ri really a Robot?

After his performance against Greece there were rumours in Korea that Cha Du-Ri is a robot controlled by his father, Cha Bum-Kun. Total nonsense, surely?

Yet today there were once again murmurs of Cha’s robotness with one Korean commenting that, “Cha [Bum-Kun] miscontrolled the Chaminator [Cha Du-Ri] last night.”

Now, in an exclusive from the Chosun Ilbo, Cha Du-Ri has been revealed as a robot. The first clue was spotted when he removed his shirt after the Nigeria game to reveal “an electronic circuit going up to his armpit” as can clearly be seen in the photo below:

The final proof came in never seen before photos finally released from the Greece game. Photos that the Korean government had, no doubt, been trying to keep hidden. Conclusive, I  think you’ll find.

The Chosun Ilbo hope that for the Uruguay game Cha will have a version upgrade. After his defending for Nigeria’s first goal, we all agree. So come on Chaminator 2, do us proud.

Posted by: MOIST | June 23, 2010

South Korea 2-2 Nigeria

EAiSA Prediction: 1-0 win for South Korea.

Korea awoke today to the glorious news that…wait, scrap that, let’s start again. Korea went to bed this morning as dawn broke safe in the knowledge that her football team had done her proud. A hard fought 2-2 draw enough to guarantee progress from Group B.

And what a game it was. More than enough excitement to keep those watching at 3.30am wide awake and transfixed to the screen. Penalties, woodwork hit, missed goalline chances and the Greeks valiantly clinging on to a draw with Argentina all added to the tension.

Eventually, though, goals from Lee Jung-Soo, his second, and Park Chu-Young, the first from a Korean striker and the first World Cup goal direct from a free-kick, got the job done despite the best efforts of Cha Du-Ri, Kim Nam-Il and, controversially you might say, manager Huh.

For a long period of the first half it didn’t look like that was going to be the case. Nigeria came out knowing they needed a win and, despite only starting with 10 men capable of movement thanks to the inclusion of Kanu, looked constantly dangerous as the piled forward. Cha Du-Ri’s slack marking gifted the Nigerians an early goal and they went in search of another, Uche the goalscorer smacking a drive off the post. This seemed to wake up Korea who pressed hard for an equaliser and were rewarded when Lee Jung-Soo totally missed a header only to watch the ball drop onto his instep and straight into the back of the net.

Korea had the upper hand and a nicely curled free-kick gave them a lead. Coupled with the score in the other game they were home free. They even seemed to have all the luck as Yakubu missed an open goal from 23cms out.  But then it all started to go wrong. Kim Nam-Il, on to shore up the midfield, booted Martins up in the air and a penalty was given. 2-2. Korea went into defensive mode and allowed the Nigerians onto them and, as a couple of good shots fizzed just the wrong side of the uprights, you began to think a 3rd was coming.

Huh brought on a couple more subs, both defensive minded and Korea just sat back waiting for the final whistle. Whilst EAiSA see the logic behind trying to secure the needed point it seemed that the Nigerians were there to be picked off if fresh legs had been brought on up front. There’s no point having Lee Dong-Gook and Ahn Jung-Hwan on the bench if you only feel confident bringing one of them on when you are 4-1 down to Argentina.

Luckily the Nigerians couldn’t find the target and Korea go on to beat Uruguay in the second round followed by a potential quarter-final with England.

Ok, ok, we at EAiSA are just joking. England won’t get that far.

Player Match Reports:

Starting XI:

Jung Song-Ryung: No chance with either of the goals and barely a shot to save.

Cha Du-Ri:  Was caught out for the first goal and was beaten too easily by the Nigerian left winger quite often. Will Oh be back for Uruguay?

Cho Yong-Hyung: Another solid performance. Like Jung he wasn’t at fault for the goals and only allowed Nigeria 4 shots on target. He did however go to sleep to let Yakubu complete the miss of the century.

Lee Jung-Soo: Scored his second of the tournament and was strong at the back against a tough Nigerian front line. Maybe should have done better when Yakubu missed but, hey, Yakubu missed.

Lee Young-Pyo: As solid as always down the left. Not much more to say.

Lee Chung-Yong: Always looks a threat on the ball and almost snuck in after a minute. May be tempted away from Bolton but wants to stay as he has a Tesco clubcard.

Ki Sung-Yong: A wonderful free-kick for Lee Jung-Soo’s goal. Had a much better game than against Argentina and got forward well.

Kim Jung-Woo: Was beaten down the wing for the first Nigerian goal but sat in front of the back four well.

Park Ji-Sung: Another solid performance, just like he puts in for Man Utd week in week out.

Park Chu-Young: Full of energy and running and a constant threat. Scored a lovely free-kick to get his World Cup goals tally up and running.

Yeom Ki-Hun: Another decent performance. Has a tendency to drift in and out of games but always working for the team.


Kim Nam-Il (64 mins for Yeom Ki-Hun): Was meant to solidify the team but instead decided to give away a stupid, stupid penalty. We’ll let you off this time but don’t do it again.

Kim Jae-Sung and Kim Dong-Jin (87 and 90 mins for Ki Sung-Yong and Park Chu-Young): Not much time on the pitch to do much but didn’t hack anyone down in the box like certain people we can mention.

Posted by: MOIST | June 22, 2010

Korea Qualify!!!!

Full report coming as soon as we at EAiSA stop celebrating.

Posted by: MOIST | June 22, 2010

Where Eagles Dare?

This is it then. D-Day. Do or die. Win or bust. Stay or go. Stick or twist. Sink or swim. Rock or roll. Fish or chips. Thelma or Louise.

Despire Nigeria being rooted to the bottom of the table it’s all to play for. For Korea it’s quite possibly draw and go through but they have to make sure they don’t lose. Opponents today, Nigeria, look doomed but when it comes down to one game it’s a whole different kettle of ball game fish.  If Korea can avoid defeat, though, it then depends on what Greece do.

As the table below shows the cradles of European and Asian civilization are locked together on 3 points but, and this is a big but, I mean, not Sir Mix-a-Lot big but big nonetheless, Korea have a vital 1 goal advantage in the goals scored column.

Team Played Won Drawn Lost Goals For Goals Against Points
Argentina 2 2 0 0 5 1 6
South Korea 2 1 0 1 3 4 3
Greece 2 1 0 1 2 3 3
Nigeria 2 0 0 2 1 3 0


Quite simply this means that as long as Korea don’t lose and get at least the same result as Greece they go through. In theory Greece have the harder game and shouldn’t be able to beat Argentina although this World Cup has proved that strange things can happen.

Fingers crossed that Argentina turn it on like they did against Korea and we’ll all be able to enjoy a second round game against Uruguay on Saturday. Except for me as I’ll be on a stag do. So, actually, come on Greece. You beat Argentina 2-0 and Korea can beat Nigeria 3-0 and win the group. Everybody’s happy.

But what chance Korea beating Nigeria? Will the Super Eagles rally and give their fans something to cheer about after 2 bad defeats?  As the clock ticks down to the biggest game in South Korean history since 2006 we went out onto the streets of Abuja and Lagos to get the low down on today’s big game and the tactics Nigeria will use to win.

Name: Moses Odiaki

Nigeria’s tactics: My name is Mr.Moses Odiaka. I work in the credit and accounts department of  Union Bank of Nigeria Plc,Lagos, Nigeria. I write you in respect of a foreign customer with a Domicilliary account. His name is Engineer Manfred Becker. He was among those who died in a plane crash here in Nigeria during the reign of late General Sani Abacha.

Key Nigerian player: He had only $18.5mllion in his a/c and the a/c is coded. It is only an insider that could produce the code or password of the deposit particulars. As it stands now,there is nobody in that position to produce the needed information other than my very self considering my position in the bank.

Prediction: I will need your full name and address telephone/fax number,company or residential, also your bank name and account,where the money will be transfer into.

Name: Dr. Ibrahim Martin

Nigeria’s tactics: I work with the Union Bank of Nigeria PLC, currently I am the senior manager of bills and exchange at the foreign remittance department of my bank. I have an urgent and confidential business proposal for you. On June 6, 1998, an Australian oil consultant/contractor with via National Petroleum cooperation (NNPC) Mr. Ali B. Ashraf made a numbered time (fixed) deposit for twelve calenderer month valued at US$51,000,000.00(fifty _one Million  US Dollars) in my branch.

Key Nigerian player: On maturity, I sent a routine notification to his forwarded address but got no reply after months we send a reminder and finally we discovered from his contract employee (Nigeria National Petroleum Corporation) that MR. Ali B. Ashrafdied from an automobile accident. On further investigation, it was clear that he died without making a WILL.

Prediction: All you have to do is to immediately send me the details of a bank account anywhere in the world for me to arrange the proper money transfer document.

Name: John Eze

Nigeria’s tactics: I am Mr John Eze, a native of Kano in Nigeria and I am an Executive Accountant with the Nigeria ministry of mineral resources and energy. I have decided to seek a confidential co-operation with you in the execution of a deal described here under for the benefit of all parties and I hope you we keep it as a top secret because of the nature of this transaction.

Key Nigerian player: Within the department of mining and natural resources where I work as an accountant and with the co-operation of four other top officials we have in our possession an over due payment bills totally twenty million five hundred thousand united state dollars ($50.5m) which we want to transfer abroad with the assistance and co-operation of a foreign company/individual to receive such funds.

Prediction: I have all my confidence and trust in you and I hope you we not disappoint me.

Certainly a lot there for the Korean team to think about, that’s for sure. Putting Nigeria to one side, though, what more motivation do the Red Devils need than the thought that a win today might mean they are the only East Asian team to qualify for the second round? The proverbial two fingers to their hated neighbours over the East Sea.

As author, poet and drunkard, Michael E. Griffin once noted, “After 6 beers I was ready to call a radio phone-in. That’s bascially everyone else’s New Years Eve. You are.” A sentiment surely shared on the streets of Seoul.

Posted by: MOIST | June 21, 2010

Team of the Week: Episode 2

Not a great second round for East Asia unfortunately. Three games, three loses, 12 goals conceded and only 1 scored but, despite all that, we at EAiSA think all the teams can come out with their heads held high.

Japan were obviously the star turn of the round. Putting all the Sea of Japan controversy behind them they were only just beaten by the Dutch. A sloppy goal conceded and a chance to equalise missed were all that seperated them. Unsurprisingly Japanese players make up almost half the team.

South Korea started badly against Argentina and found themselves two bad goals down before they got one bad goal back. But Messi magic in the second half as Korea pressed forward sealed the game for Argentina. Only one South Korean in the team this time as, even though they had a good second half,  individual errors and a below par 1st half count against them.

North Korea had the shocker of the round, an absolute thumping from Portugal yet contribute 5 players to the team. As strange as that sounds two of them went off before 4 of the goals went in, Jong and Hong, although mostly isolated, showed so much energy up front and the keeper didn’t balls anything up.

Once again just scroll over the picture for some written and nonsense and, remember, you are more than welcome to comment (please). If you do, we here at EAiSA may even consider giving you the time of day.

Ryo Myong-Guk

Cha Jong-Hyok

Yuji Nakazawa

Tulio Tanaka

Yuto Nagatomo

Lee Chung-Yong

Pak Nam-Chol

Yuki Abe

Daisuke Matsui

Hong Yong-Jo

Jong Tae-Se

Posted by: MOIST | June 21, 2010

North Korea 0-7 Portugal

EAiSA Prediction: 0-3 loss for North Korea.

It wasn’t quite 1966 and all that, we’d have needed one more goal to match the 5-3 ding-dong back then, but it certainly was a goal fest and, though it seems strange to praise a side who lost by so much, a lot of credit should be given to the Chollima.

Kim Jong-Il’s red and white army didn’t stop running, trying, attacking, tackling and making a game of it for the full 90 minutes despite the collapse that was going on all around them. They never once resorted to kicking out, bad tackling or dirty play even with Ronaldo in full-on tricks mode. After witnessing Brazil and Ivory Coast trying to out cheat each other yesterday it was a pleasure to watch two teams just play football today.

And for so long it looked so good. Playing with a more attacking shape than they did against Brazil, Korea matched Portugal step for step for the first half an hour until the back 5 was dissected by a lovely ball. Even then they kept going and at half-time it was a tight game.

The second half, though, was a little bit different. A second soon after the break led to the third and then the fourth and Korea were down and out. Little errors crept into the game across the backline and Portgual exploited them just like their Imperial forefather exploited natives across the globe.

After the Brazil game EAiSA said that the Juche Boys defensive game plan would be found out against Portugal and the Ivory Coast. We knew that both those teams would be coming into the games knowing what they needed to do and how to do it. We were mocked for this with people claiming Portugal couldn’t score. Well, critics, who’s laughing now, eh?

Admittedly we did also claim Brazil would go out after drawing with the Ivory Coast. But that’s Sven’s fault.

So, Pyongyang’s finest are on their way home but, luckily for them, they didn’t have to hear Mick McCarthy trying to pronounce their names.

Player Match Reports:

Starting XI:

Ri Myong-Guk: Not at fault for any of the goals, which makes a change for keepers in this tournament. The Portguese finishing was so good today the best keeper in the world wouldn’t have stopped them. And he didn’t.

Cha Jong-Hyok: Kept Ronaldo quiet for long periods of the game despite giving himself wrist-knack. Got up and down the flank as often as possible. Played well.

Ri Jun-Il, Ri Kwang-Chon, Pak Chol-Jin: The three of them were a unit again just like against Brazil. Kept fighting for the 90 minutes but mistakes began to creep in as the goals went in. A few bad mistakes ended up in the back of the net but it’s hard to give them too much grief considering.

Ji Yun-Nam: No goal today but a solid perfomance down the wing.

Pak Nam-Chol: Was busy in midfield and got forward as much as possible to support the attack.

Mun In-Guk: Worked his socks off in midfield until he subbed.

Ahn Young-Hak: Sat in front of the back four like he did against Brazil. Caught between trying to push forward and defend as the game wore on.

Hong Yong-Jo: Was very lively in behind Jong and worked relentlessly getting forward. Certainly performed better than against Brazil.

Jong Tae-Se: Another tireless perfomance from the People’s Wayne. Kawasaki Frontale may struggle to hold onto him after this World Cup. Good.


Kim Kum-Il and  Kim Yong-Jin (58mins for Pak Nam-Chol and Mun In-Guk): Both got horribly exposed in midfield as Portugal hit them hard on the counter attack.

Nam Song-Chol (75mins Cha Jong-Hyok): Slotted in at left back after the impressive right back had been withdrawn

Posted by: MOIST | June 21, 2010

Op-Port-unity for 3 points?

A wiser man than me, possibly Winston Churchill or Cardinal Richelieu, once said that Portugal was the only country in the world where the men are more beautiful than the women.

Cristiano Ronaldo, Luis Figo, Nuno Gomes, the lead singer from Journey. Maybe that wise man had a point.

But surely not? EAiSA loaded up its rucksack, put on some sturdy yet comfortable shoes, obtained a sensible hat in case the sun came out and went in search or the creme de la creme of Portuguese women to give, loyal EAiSA readers, an insight into who’s hot and who’s not in the current Portugal squad.

Can the cheeky Chollima steal a win or will it be 1966 all over again but without a Portuguese player as humble as Eusebio?

Amalia Rodrigues: Actress, glamour model and current love interest of Cristiano Ronaldo.

Who’s hot: My Cristiano is always hot. In bed he is like a wild man. Full of passion and fire he makes love to me like we are one.

Who’s not: Deco. He is tubby, like Eddie Large.

Prediction: 3-1 Portugal. Of course an easy win for Portugal. The Algarve will dance all night when my Cristiano score a hat-trick.

Florbela Espanca: TV Presenter, pop star and former Mrs Luis Figo.

Who’s hot: Liedson. Has a great goal-scoring record in club football but is still new to the Portugal team. If he gets the service he can score for fun.

Who’s not: Carlos Queiroz. He might be smouldering dreamboat but his tactics are way off. We had a bad qualification and struggled against the Ivory Coast. He needs to be replaced.

Prediction: 2-0 Portugal. North Korea proved hard to break down but they cannot settle for a point today. I think we will score two in the second half for a comfortable win.

Juliana Dias da Costa: Member of Parliament for Oporto, former glamour model and current Mrs Vitor Baia.

Who’s hot: Ricardo Carvalho. He is the rock that our team is built on. Solid on the ground, good in the air and no longer thin on top. A thinking woman’s footballer.

Who’s not: Eduardo. I spit on him. He is a charlatan. A poor excuse for a goalkeeper.

Prediction: 3-0 Portugal. The North Korea bubble will burst as Portugal must win this game.

The bevvy of beautiful babes say Portugal all the way. With their mix of good looks, intelligence and football knowledge can we disagree?

Posted by: MOIST | June 19, 2010

Japan 0-1 Netherlands

EAiSA Prediction: 0-3 loss for Japan

Despite the best attempts of Eiji Kawashima, Japan go into their final game against Denmark knowing that their fate is in their own hands. It’s all very simple, really, win or draw and qualify for the last 16, lose and head on home.

Thanks to the fact that Japan were able to get a better result against the Dutch than the Danes they are in a strong position with 90 minutes to go. Another very solid defensive performance has shown that Japan have finally learned to concentrate for the whole game and, if it hadn’t been for a world class cock up from Kawashima, they may have secured the point their defensive performance deserved.

Ok, so they didn’t offer a great deal up front, relying more on harassing and pressurising the Dutch in midfield than trying to mount sustained attacks, but surely that is just a case of playing to their strengths? The Dutch argued that Japan has played negative, defensive football rather than, I suppose, rolling over and letting the Dutch score a hatful just to keep the neutrals happy. The nerve of it all.

Imagine how much the Dutch would have whined if Okazaki had been able to keep his late effort down? I suppose it would have reached Arsenalesque proportions.

There were rumours before the game that there was unease in the Japanese camp after death threats relating to the use of ‘the Sea of Japan’ were received but Okada dismissed these out of hand. The plot, as famed educator and sports pundit Michael E Griffin once observed, thickens.

Player Match Reports:

Starting XI:

Eiji Kawashima: Had an absolute howler for the goal which ruined an otherwise solid performance. Will Okada do a Capello and dump him for the Denmark game?

Yuto Nagatomo: Got forward well and had a good shot in the first half. Switched to right back when the dangerous Elia came on and didn’t give him much space. Pulled out a shocking dive in injury time.

Marcus Tulio Tanaka: Had another rock solid game apart from when he tried to bag a late own goal. Moved upfield late on and set up Okazaki for his miss. Will Europe come calling?

Yuji Nakazawa: Like Tulio he was dominant at the back. If the pair of them play like this against Denmark the point is guaranteed.

Yuichi Komano: Nothing outstanding, nothing awful.

Yuki Abe: Sat in front of the back four again and gave the Dutch all sorts of problems.

Makoto Hasebe: In conjunction with Abe gave the Dutch no space in midfield.

Yasuhito Endo: Was better than against Cameroon and his delivery was much improved.

Daisuke Matsui: Full of energy and got forward really well. Showed the form that has made him a favourite in Europe.

Yoshito Okubo: A lovely touch of skill in the first half was the highlight of a solid, energetic performance.

Keisuke Honda: Plied the lone furrow up front again and gave his all. Hard to tell it’s not his natural position.


Shunsuke Nakamura (64 mins for Matsui): Are you sure? Barely noticed he was on the field and think his time, especially at international level, is up.

Shinji Okazaki (77 mins for Hasebe): Had an excellent late chance to equalise but couldn’t keep his shot down.

Keiji Tamada (77 mins for Okazaki): Really?

Posted by: MOIST | June 19, 2010

Adventures in Nether Nether Lands

A comfortable 2-0 win over Denmark and a hard fought, first World Cup win on foreign soil, 1-0 against Cameroon were enough to leave the Netherlands and Japan sitting pretty in Group E. The Netherlands didn’t move through all the gears in their win and head into the second game as favourites for not just the match but for winning the group.

Nobody expects Japan to beat the Netherlands and, in all probability, they themselves probably had this game down as a loss or maybe a point if they got lucky. Very lucky.

So, after having seen their rivals from across the Sea of Japan take a tonking at the hands of Argentina, is there any way for Japan to come out of this game unscathed?

In its never ending pursuit of answers EAiSA has rounded up three of the hottest Dutch stars on the planet to tell us all about what will happen in the game tomorrow and how much it will cost to score an eighth.

James Van Der Beek: Star of TVs Dawson’s Creek and 3 time Eredivisie champion with PSV Eindhoven.

What to expect from the Dutch: The Dutch won’t want to wait for the first half to be over, they’ll want to know right from kick off what will it be. I think they will have too much skill up front for the Japanese team to cope with. Japan defended very well against Cameroon but the Dutch are a different kettle of fish.

Key match up: Robin van Persie vs Yuji Nakazawa. Nakazawa had a great game last time round but he’ll have to be on his toes to keep van Persie quiet.

Prediction: 3-0 to the Netherlands. An early goal will mean Japan will have to come out of the defensive mindset and the Dutch will pick them off with ease.

Lee Van Cleef: Movie star and new manager of FC Twente.

What to expect from the Dutch: This match really depends on which Netherlands team turns up. Will it be the good, the bad or the ugly? If they improve on their performance against Denmark I can see them making spaghetti of the Japan defence. Victory for the western team is the only outcome I can see.

Key match up: Wesley Sneijder vs Yuki Abe. Abe looked very strong in his defensive role against Cameroon and how he handles Sneijder will be vital to this match.

Prediction: 3-1 to the Netherlands. It’s high noon for the Japan team

Dick Van Dyke: Actor, comedian, writer, producer and scorer of the Netherlands goal in the 1974 World Cup Final.

What to expect from the Dutch: Well, cor blimey, Mary Poppins, this one’s a real head scratcher. Me old bamboo says this one’s a doddle for the Dutch. They have quality across the back, all along the midfield and if the strikers are on form they’ll Chitty Chitty Bang Bang the goals in.

Key match up: Arjen Robben vs Yuto Nagatomo. Robben has the pace to give any full back in the world trouble and if Nagatomo can’t match him for speed he’ll cause him problems all day long.

Prediction: 2-0 to the Netherlands. It’s definitely Diagnosis Murder for the Japanese hopes.

A clean sweep for the Dutch according to our panel of experts and they should know. So, will the future be orange or will blue be the colour? Don’t ask me.

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