Posted by: MOIST | June 25, 2010

Tickling the Ivories.

It probably comes as no surprise to most pundits that this game is meaningless to the Chollima but, after the performance against Brazil, didn’t we all dare to dream?

No? Oh….

Dark days, indeed, for the Boys from North of the 38th Parallel who must be hoping that the Ivory Coast can’t show the same counter-attacking ability and delightful passing that enabled Portugal to rack up a cricket score last time out.

Not that it’s all been negative for DPR Juche and a combination of the commitment and steel shown against Brazil with an early goal could cause the Ivory Coast problems. Maybe a swift kick to Drogba’s elbow as well, eh, lads?

In reality, though, can the People’s Team really win? With communication to and from people inside the Hermit Kingdom notoriously difficult, EAiSA really had to stretch every sinew of it’s finely chiselled, buff physique to find out who are the North Koreans to watch.

Luckily for EAiSA and it’s loyal followers, one of our contacts behind the Kimchi Curtain was able to obtain exclusive interviews with men who have shaped both North Korea, and the world.

Name: Kim Il-Sung

Claim to fame: First man to walk on the moon.

DPRK player to watch: Jong Tae-Se. His decision to turn his back on the imperialist Japan is a sign of his willingness to struggle for revolution. It is necessary to expose the false propaganda of the imperialists and thoroughly dispel the illusion that the imperialists will give up their positions in the semi-finals and knock-out stages with good will.

Prediction: 2-0 to DPRK. It will be a battle but the oppressed peoples can liberate themselves only through struggle. This is a simple and clear truth confirmed by history.

Name: Kim Il-Sung

Claim to fame: Inventor of the car.

DPRK player to watch: Kim Myong-Won. FIFA tried to tell us we must have 3 goalkeepers but we are opposed to the line of compromise with imperialism. At the same time, we cannot tolerate the practice of only shouting against imperialism, but, in actual fact, being afraid to fight it.

Prediction: 1-0 to DPRK. The most important thing in our football preparations is to teach all our people to hate FIFA imperialism. Otherwise, we will not be able to defeat the FIFA imperialists who boast of their technological football superiority.

Name: Kim Il-Sung

Claim to fame: Inventor of the toaster.

DPRK player to watch: Pak Nam-Chol. Of course I mean the midfielder, not the defender. I know having two players with the same name may confuse people but it is wrong to try to avoid the struggle against commentator imperialism under the pretext that independence, revolution and scoring goals are important, but that peace and a squad of players all with different names is still more precious.

Predicition: 1-1. The peoples of Asia, Africa, and Latin America have common interest and are in the position to support each other in their anti-imperialist and anti-FIFA struggle. As long as Africa and Latin America are not free, we are not free.

The pundits choice is North Korea but it’s hard to ignore the views of someone so clever they were able to invent the toaster. EAiSA will have to go along with Kim Il-Sung here and plump for the draw.

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